This post is also available in: Deutsch (German)
Hi, I’m Sarah, 31 years old, mother to a 4-year-old, wife, and dog owner. I’m originally from Germany but have been living in Cyprus with my family since 2018.
And I have become a little too grown up.
I’ve noticed that my life, despite having my own child around, has almost only been about grown-up things: organising appointments, bookkeeping, laundry, paying taxes, buying furniture, worrying about the future, and ongoing daily questions like “Why am I constantly exhausted, how can we cram all of our duties into one weekend, when is the cleaning lady coming again, and why the heck has the little one still not put their shoes on?”
I was no longer present in the moment but spent my time stuck in my head, always rushing, never fully enjoying the bliss of life.
It was time to grow back down again. Become a little more like a child again. Enjoy the small things. Live in the moment. Feel into the feelings, and express them. Try new things. Break the norm, and be a little rebellious here and there. Experience a new adventure every day. This is what this blog is about.
But not everyone was convinced I would be the right one to write about these topics:
When I started telling people about my new blog idea, I received a lot of positive feedback. Almost everyone could relate to the concept of having “grown up too much,” and was looking for ways to add more childlike bliss back into their life.
But some people responded with irritation, especially those that had known me for a long time. “Um, Sarah… awesome topic, but… you’re not that much into kids, are you?”
Which sounds a bit strange when you have your own child, I admit. But no worries, I’m the biggest fan of my son, and I get along with most other children as well. But it’s true, I’m not generally crazy about kids. I often find them too loud, too impatient, and most of all unpredictable.
A few years ago I found myself in a personal development workshop that was geared towards finding your personal guiding theme. What’s the one virtue that is guiding us overwriting most everything else? I was pretty nervous, wondering what it would be for me. I noticed that many of the other participants had some fairly dark beliefs come to light, which were then revised to become positive statements.
When it was my turn, and I heard my guiding theme spoken out loud, I was greatly relieved, but also slightly confused:
“Everything I do has structure.”
Structure… that’s great, isn’t it? What’s wrong with structure? And why should I change that? I liked it as a guiding theme.
Consequently, I did the exercises that followed a bit half-heartedly.
It took me years to realize that while structure is valuable in some areas of life, it is a burden in others.
For many things in my business, it is imperative. I rely on structure to serve my clients, I use it to keep on top of my to-do lists, and it helps me analyze and interpret numbers.
In my personal life, especially with a child, structure can be very exhausting. I have a perpetual feeling that I need a fixed plan for the coming days. Everything must be perfectly coordinated. I’m constantly imagining how everything is going to work, what we will be doing, and how we will be feeling while doing all the things.
And then something comes up at the last minute and messes with it, and I get stressed. Not in a sense of “Alright, this sucks, but let’s see what will come of this” but more like “Oh my god, I’m losing control of everything!”
This is also the reason why I easily come across as the one not being that much into kids. Kids are unpredictable. Planning is difficult, at times impossible. And the more you try to gain control by structuring your life, the more stressed everyone becomes, including yourself and the entire family.
This is also why this blog is so important to me. I am painfully aware that if I want to enjoy my life to the fullest, some of my need for structure must make space for spontaneous, childlike joy instead.
I must try and see children as my most important mentors. Und just how we admire our mentors, their demands are equally challenging, and they remind us that there is so much more to uncover if we finally dare and let go to venture into new paths. This is probably also the reason why I don’t love to surround myself with children: They push me to face my biggest fear of losing control, and at the same time they are teachers of how to live in the moment, letting go of structure and control (which is a painful realization, and why I’m secretly envying them for this ability).
Therefore, I wholeheartedly admit: Yes, I’m really the most unsuitable person to write this blog. But I’m also the person that desperately needs it.
So here we go… Welcome to my unstructured, messy journey I’m taking back to find my inner child.